I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
