My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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