This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
