I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We're too hungover to prance.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize