ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
