DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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