and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
