im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize