this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
