she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am one with the molecules
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
