haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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