The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
