Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
