I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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