If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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