so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
