i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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