We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
