Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
