im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize