the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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