i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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