it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
