This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
