my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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