I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Im part way to drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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