I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
