this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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