So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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