I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
