they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
