with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
