we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize