Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We're too hungover to prance.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
