Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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