i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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