i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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