Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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