Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
