I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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