I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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