I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
