So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
