I could make wine with my vomit
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
did you just send me my own nude
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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