just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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