tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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