How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
