im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize