if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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