The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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