I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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