I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She's the barista slut.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
