clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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