Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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