I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
