Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
