i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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