went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
