After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
