i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
