Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
