you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
