i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
