so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
