Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
