it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
