it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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