I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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