allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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