well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
