I puked a lego.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
