yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Found your dick twin last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
