you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
