the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
