i will never coherently bang her
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
