I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
