i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
