you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
