THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
