I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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