I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
