hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
