Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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