That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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