its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize