So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Small penises have feelings too.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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