Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
