i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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