i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
