You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize