I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
