Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
