Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
