i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
